umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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