Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
