I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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