My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
