I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
