my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
