If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
