Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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