i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
