I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
