we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
