Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
