16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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