operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
