She said her name was "party"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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