Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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