dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
