i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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