Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
