what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
