he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
