I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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