I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
