Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
