The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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