Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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