She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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