so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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