and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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