could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
