There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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