my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
