Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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