You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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