none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
