we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
