He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
