I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
