i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
