if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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