I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
