I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
