to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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