He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We're too hungover to prance.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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