Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
