Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
