guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
