the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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