If that was your dad, he is hot
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
