just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
