the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
