This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
