That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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