I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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